The Divorce
As I mentioned in my last post, I was married for a brief time. From engagement to filing for divorce was only 18 months. Talk about a roller coaster, but nothing like the roller coaster that ensued after filing.
For those reading this, if you are divorced or are going through a divorce, I sympathize with you more than you can ever imagine. This process is something I don't wish on anyone. For those of us that are not divorced, let m briefly explain the feeling, and put into perspective why it is so brutal.
For me, I knew there was no other option but divorce. I needed to get away from someone that wouldn't allow me to have a relationship with my family, and was an abusive alcoholic. There is no excuse for either of these characteristics in my opinion, and you absolutely cannot help someone that doesn't want help. Again, you may agree or disagree, but this is the situation I was in and needed to get out of.
So, the main question: Why is it such a terrible process if you know its for the best? I have two main answers. First, you loved that person at some point, or still possibly do, and you are really upset about it even though you know it's right; you wish there was another way. Second, your life is consumed by it at this point.
Being in love with someone we don't want to be or we know we shouldn't is something MANY, if not most people go through at some point in their lives. It is always tough and always know the right thing to do, but if you are like me, you always try to see the good in people. It is hurtful when people betray you and betray the team you have created. I am not sure anything but time gets you through this. I believe there is another person that will adore you and be your teammate and be the person you want them to be, without so much destructive energy in the process. Hang in there.
As for divorce consuming your life. This is really the worst part that is hard to explain to people not going through it or that haven't been through it. From the filing day, you are in a fight. The person you cared for, etc., has now turned into the devil even more than you may have thought before. The real person comes out and does everything they can just to hurt you, even if it doesn't benefit you. For me, every email and phone call made my stomach drop since it was a high percentage of it being my lawyer with some other "news." I feel like I am able to compartmentalize very well in life, but with this going on, the amount of weight on my shoulders was insane. The biggest problem: putting on the "i am so much happier" face when in reality I may not be. Deep down, I believed I was, or I would be, but it doesn't take away the pain.
The Good News: The minute it is all done, you will be hit with a wave of different emotions. I cried like a baby. It's ok!! However, one thing you will notice is that it is over and you get the start to move on. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders so quickly. Again, it doesn't take away the pain, or the realizations of "what is next in my life" questions, but the fight is over, and you can focus. It gets better! Believe it!
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got"- Robert Brault
For those reading this, if you are divorced or are going through a divorce, I sympathize with you more than you can ever imagine. This process is something I don't wish on anyone. For those of us that are not divorced, let m briefly explain the feeling, and put into perspective why it is so brutal.
For me, I knew there was no other option but divorce. I needed to get away from someone that wouldn't allow me to have a relationship with my family, and was an abusive alcoholic. There is no excuse for either of these characteristics in my opinion, and you absolutely cannot help someone that doesn't want help. Again, you may agree or disagree, but this is the situation I was in and needed to get out of.
So, the main question: Why is it such a terrible process if you know its for the best? I have two main answers. First, you loved that person at some point, or still possibly do, and you are really upset about it even though you know it's right; you wish there was another way. Second, your life is consumed by it at this point.
Being in love with someone we don't want to be or we know we shouldn't is something MANY, if not most people go through at some point in their lives. It is always tough and always know the right thing to do, but if you are like me, you always try to see the good in people. It is hurtful when people betray you and betray the team you have created. I am not sure anything but time gets you through this. I believe there is another person that will adore you and be your teammate and be the person you want them to be, without so much destructive energy in the process. Hang in there.
As for divorce consuming your life. This is really the worst part that is hard to explain to people not going through it or that haven't been through it. From the filing day, you are in a fight. The person you cared for, etc., has now turned into the devil even more than you may have thought before. The real person comes out and does everything they can just to hurt you, even if it doesn't benefit you. For me, every email and phone call made my stomach drop since it was a high percentage of it being my lawyer with some other "news." I feel like I am able to compartmentalize very well in life, but with this going on, the amount of weight on my shoulders was insane. The biggest problem: putting on the "i am so much happier" face when in reality I may not be. Deep down, I believed I was, or I would be, but it doesn't take away the pain.
The Good News: The minute it is all done, you will be hit with a wave of different emotions. I cried like a baby. It's ok!! However, one thing you will notice is that it is over and you get the start to move on. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders so quickly. Again, it doesn't take away the pain, or the realizations of "what is next in my life" questions, but the fight is over, and you can focus. It gets better! Believe it!
"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got"- Robert Brault
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